Flirtation is not much more than a dumbed-down form of courtship,
a heroic attempt to present dime-store coquetry as high art.
Leopold Trepper
Flirtation: A set of ceremonial behaviors, relics of long-forgotten mating rituals, consisting of highly stylized mannerisms intended to attract attention or seduce. There is a strong implication of frivolity, teasing, and lack of serious intent.
The dying afternoon sun, barely perceptible through tightly drawn shades, casts jaundiced splotches on the rococo wallpaper of the shabbily elegant room. The hypnotic beat-beat-beat of the monstrous old-fashioned ceiling fan. The dark, exotic "dragon lady" - in compellingly dreamlike waves of silence - slowly blinks her enormously cruel blacker-than-black almond eyes at you across the dimness, licking her lips with all the merciless languor of a Persian cat contemplating a delicacy she may, when it pleases her, pounce on and leisurely dismember...Here then is the dilemma of being entangled in a flirtation. A bizarre compounding of the rapturously seductive and the treacly nightmarish, somewhat akin to being slowly drowned in deliciously sweet, clinging syrup. Being "vamped" by a desirable woman provides a dizzying ego boost, but with a cloying aftertaste. Are you being courted, or merely toyed with? Is the women set on you in particular, or would any other available male have done just as well? Is this "for real", or just a flirtation?
In times past, flirting skills passed down as part of the folklore, from mother to daughter, from sister to sister, and in the peer group. In the modern era, the so-called art of flirtation propagates by crude imitation, prepackaged in cellophane, its exaggerated theatrical gestures making up in clumsy aggressiveness what is lacking in subtlety. The end result is a one-size-fits-all generic flirtation module, something completely useless for non-mainstream shy folk. The purveyors of this raggedy hand-me-down schlock are (what else?) television and the video candy that Hollywood merchandises.
Flirting has become little more than a shopworn cliché. It serves
as a shoddy counterfeit for the graceful interplay between the sexes.
Where now is the sultry appeal of a Lauren Bacall teasing Bogart in "To
Have Or Have Not", the finely delineated presence, the deadly,
haunting beauty of a Jean Tierney in "Laura"? And where can be found a
man of a stature sufficient to evoke such smoldering passion?
Should you, as a shy man, participate in this nasty little amusement?
Considering your particular circumstance, shyness, acting grossly out of character invariably results in awkward, stilted behavior. You risk making a fool of yourself, and for little gain. For your personality type, a more straightforward approach, an open and 'honest' courtship generally works out better.Flirting basically remains ritualized "women's behavior", and men take part in the game at their peril. The most effective strategy, should you in fact desire closeness with the woman flirting with you or at you, consists in actually removing yourself from the 'dance'. Rather than playing the expected role in the drama, step back and distance yourself from it. Display only enough interest to keep the pot boiling. Mild encouragement, or even a show of studied indifference is more effective than enthusiastic attention. Make the woman sing for her supper.
As always, the key to controlling the situation is knowing your place in the
scheme of things.