Cupids Network
SingleSites.com
Singlesstop
The PeopleNet DisAbility DateNet Home Page
Dating info for people with disabilities.
In real love you want the other person's good. In romantic love you
want the other person.
Margaret Anderson
Advice
Advice is what we ask for
when we already know the answer but wish we didn't. Erica Jong |
Dating Advice
Brenda's other dating site.
Spring Street
Clever advice from a New Yorker on the subject of personal ads
Single's Coach
Nina Atwood, licensed therapist, answers questions and gives the
kind of conventional, no-nonsense advice you would expect from a
professional.
"Sex Tips
For Geeks"
Eric ("esr") Raymond, übergeek and Linux guru, gives relationship advice.
alt.romance FAQ
Collected wisdom from the participants of the alt.romance newsgroup. Some of it
actually is wise, some funny, some a crock.
The "involuntary celibacy"
site
Much good advice for those who are celibate, but don't wish to remain so.
The Encyclopedia of Mental Health:
Shyness
A somewhat technical essay containing useful tips, plus news about some
clinical methods of dealing with shyness.
The only thing to do with good advice is pass it on. It is never any
use to oneself.
Oscar Wilde
Web Rings For Singles
Siren's Romance Ring
Singles OnLine Web Ring
Pen Pals
Penpal List Sites
Bonnie's Penpal Directory
The Letter Exchange
PO Box 2930
Santa Rosa, CA 95405
This well-run snailmail-based penpal club had been going strong for a
decade and a half. Its purpose was long-distance friendship, not
the forging of romantic bonds (though that had been known to happen). This
organization would have been highly appropriate for single males learning
to make and sustain conventional friendships with both men and women.
Subscriptions were $22/year for 3 issues. The current issue would cost
$9, and a sample back issue was $1. Answering ads was free, but there
was a per word charge for placing them.
Obituary:
The Letter Exchange printed its final issue in the fall of 2000, and
totally shut down operations in March of 2001. It is truly unfortunate
that this exceptional organization has shut down. There is still a place
for a traditional by-mail penpal club, but what will take the place of
this one?
Dating Services
Single Book Lovers
For literate persons who are lonely.
Any listings in this category have been included because they fill
'special needs' and seem reasonably priced. This is not a softening
of the harsh criticism levied against for-pay dating services in Chapter 12, nor is it necessarily an endorsement
of the products and services listed.
General Info
A Brief Guide to Social Newsgroups and Mailing Lists
Dave Taylor gives an extensive, if uncritical, rundown of the singles
newsgroups and mailing lists.
Size Acceptance Organizations
(For admirers of fat women)
Folk Dance Association
Literature
Allen, Jeff, Quickstart to Social Dancing, QQS Publications, 1998, ISBN
0-965-44231-4, $19.95.
A gentle introduction to the art of social dancing. Note that the actual
learning experience necessarily still takes place on the dance floor.
Anderson, Robert, Tea and Sympathy.
Controversial play about the difficult coming-of-age of a boy who is
scorned by his peers for being "unmasculine," and the efforts of a
sympathetic older woman to help him overcome his self-loathing. The
movie version dilutes the effect, despite some excellent performances.
"When you speak of this, and you will, please be kind."
Balzac, Splendeurs et Misères des Courtesanes [Scenes From a
Courtesan's Life].
[Out of print]
Written by the master of the French romance, this one is available on-line
in an English translation from Project
Gutenberg. Gives a perceptive and humorous view of the intrigues and
amours in the haute monde, not to mention a fine characterization
of one of the most memorable villains in all of literature.
Berman, Morris, The Reenchantment of the World, Bantam Books, 1984, ISBN
0-553-24171-0.
A new, or rather, ancient way of looking at consciousness and reality, and of
our relationship to the world.
Brophy, Brigid, Flesh, 1962.
[Out of print]
Heartwarming story of the love of two misfits.
Burdick, Eugene, The Ninth Wave, Houghton Mifflin Co., 1956.
[out of print]
An astute analysis of human weakness. Deep down, are we all motivated by
just anger and fear?
Byrd, Richard E., Alone, G.P. Putnam's Sons, 1938 (recently reprinted).
The arctic explorer's classic on the rigors of being alone, of relying fully on one's
self. The definitive antidote to loneliness.
Cassidy, John and Rimbeaux, Waller: Juggling for the Complete Klutz / With
Block Beanbags,
Klutz Press, 1994, ISBN 0-932-59200-7, $10.95.
Learn juggling, so you can impress people at parties and other social
occasions.
Chasman, Deborah and Catherine Jhee: Here Lies My Heart, Essays on Why We
Marry, Why We Don't, and What We Find There, Beacon Press, 1999, ISBN
0807062170, $15.00.
An anthology of essays by various authors on why men and women find
living together so troublesome.
de la Clos, Les Liaisons Dangereuse [Dangerous Liaisons].
[out of print]
One of the earliest of the romantic novels, piercing and wickedly funny.
If you can't get the book, see the movie, starring Glenn Close and John
Malkovitch.
Conway, Flo and Jim Siegelman, Snapping (America's Epidemic of Sudden
Personality Change), Dell, 1979, ISBN 0-440-57970-8.
[Out of print]
How terribly vulnerable we are to brainwashing and manipulation.
Csikszentmihalyi, Mihaly, FLOW: The Psychology of Optimal
Experience, Harper & Row, 1990.
A new look at that elusive quality, happiness.
Durrell, Lawrence, The Alexandria Quartet (Justine, Balthazar,
Mountolive, Clea), 1957-60,
Penguin, 1991, ISBN 0-140-15317-9 [reissue].
The full spectrum of passion and its messy byproducts. Plot and
counterplot. Exquisite writing.
"Who invented the human heart, I wonder. Tell me, and then show me the place
where he was hanged."
Farmer, Philip José, The Lovers, Ballantine, 1961
[expanded from the original novelette in "Startling Stories", 1952].
[Out of print]
A strange twist to a man's love for a creature he believes is a woman.
Fowles, John, The Magus, Little, Brown & Co., 1965.
[Out of print]
Why modern man is crippled in his capacity for love.
Hesse, Hermann, Narziß und Goldmund (Narcissus and Goldmund), 1930.
Set in medieval Europe, this is the story of two friends. One chooses the
austere life of a scholar, the other the pursuit of passion and sensual
pleasures.
Hesse, Hermann, Steppenwolf, 1927, S. Fischer Verlag AG, (English
translation reissued 1990 by Henry Holt, ISBN 0805012478).
" . . . the images of many women floated by me with an unearthly
fragrance like moist sea flowers on the surface of the water, women whom
I had loved, desired and sung, whose love I had seldom won and seldom
striven to win."
Hillman, James, The Soul's Code, In Search of Character and Calling,
Random House, 1996, ISBN 0-679-44522-6.
A brilliant meditation on how fate affects our lives, and on how to fulfill our
destiny with dignity.
Lanier, Sidney, his poetry, especially "The Marshes of Glynn".
Sensuous imagery, just right for reading aloud to your lover. Available
on-line from Project Gutenberg.
Lawrence, D.H., Women In Love.
Why women love us, and do they really?
Also see the excellent Ken Russell movie, with Glenda Jackson's
memorable performance.
Lefkowitz, Bernard, Our Guys, Univ. Of California Press, 1997, ISBN 0-965-059496.
The depravity of middle-class "jock" culture. Why predatory
males are idealized.
LeGuin, Ursula, The Ones Who Walk Away From Omelas (short story).
The extravagant price people are willing to pay for the good life.
Mann, Thomas, Joseph and His Brothers [Joseph und seine
Brüder], vol. 3, Alfred A. Knopf, 1938.
[out of print]
The classic tale of female obsession, biblical style. The mad lust of
Potiphar's wife.
Mackay, Charles, Extraordinary Popular Delusions and the Madness of
Crowds,
Richard Bentley, 1841 [reprinted in 1932 and after by L.C. Page & Co.].
Also available on-line from Project Gutenberg.
Still the definitive work on group psychology and mass mania.
Maugham, W. Somerset, Of Human Bondage.
Available on-line from Project Gutenberg.
The classic about obsessive love, and what it takes to heal from it.
McIntosh, J.T., Snow White and the Giants, Avon, 1968.
[out of print]
Otherwise mediocre SF novel that makes fascinating speculations
about the knack of getting women to fall hard.
McKenna, Richard, "Hunter, Come Home", novelette (published in A
Century of Great Short Science Fiction, Dell, 1965.
[out of print]
On the meaning of masculinity, courage . . . and sensitivity and tenderness.
Mountain Dreamer, Oriah, The Invitation, HarperCollins, 1999, ISBN
0-06-251585-3.
Communicating with others, and the journey to self-acceptance.
Mumey, Jack and Cynthia Tinsley, Age Difference Relationships: Finding Happiness With an Older or Younger Love, Fairview Press, 1993, ISBN 0-925-19065-9.
Nelms, Henning, Thinking With a Pencil, Ten Speed Press, 1981, ISBN
0-89815-052-3.
[out of print]
Learning the venerable of art of drawing for the purpose of entertaining
others at social events, and to see things from a different perspective.
Ostrander, Sheila and Lynn Schroeder, Superlearning, Delacorte, 1979, ISBN
0-440-08354-0.
Developing human potential through classical music. Anticipated The Mozart
Effect.
Pickow, Peter and Jason Shulman, Play Harmonica : Master the Basics
from the Beginning to Advanced Techniques, 1997, Music Sales Corp,
ISBN 0-825-61594-1.
Learn to play this popular instrument, so you will attract favorable attention
at parties.
Rimbaud, Arthur, Le Bateau Ivre (The Drunken Boat), poem.
A delirious fantasy of the senses by a late-Nineteenth-Century sensualist.
Sheckley, Robert, "The Language of Love", short story, (first
published in Galaxy magazine, 1957).
Obsessing on the mechanics of love leads to a dead end.
Stendhal, The Scarlet and the Black.
Available on-line (in French) from
Project Gutenberg.
Counterpoint to Balzac, and possibly even better. Young man, making
his way in the world, brought down by a grand passion.
Stevens, Wallace, his poetry, especially Thirteen Ways of Looking at a
Blackbird and
The Emperor of Ice Cream.
Sturgeon, Theodore, Baby, It's You (short story, 1969).
*
All the failed relationships that ever were, in a nutshell.
Also, see the song of the same title, below.
Sturgeon, Theodore, It Wasn't Syzygy (SF, short story, 1948).
*
On the dangers of defining yourself by the woman you love.
Sturgeon, Theodore, A Saucer of Loneliness (SF, short story, 1953).
*
"There is in certain living souls
A quality of loneliness unspeakable,
So great it must be shared..."
Tolstoy, Leo, Anna Karenina.
Available on-line from Project Gutenberg.
Tragic obsessive love of an older woman for a younger man.
Trevanian, Shibumi, Ballantine Books, 1979, ISBN 0-345-28585-9.
[out of print]
Well-written, but dated satirical espionage thriller. Makes some
interesting points about the art of lovemaking.
Vance, Jack, Green Magic (novelette, 1963).
Available on-line at Infinity Plus.
Wizardry, seduction, and the importance of subtlety.
Vizinczey, Stephan, In Praise of Older Women, University of Chicago
Press, 1990 (reprint), ISBN 0-226-85886-7.
A delightfully funny coming-of-age story that captures some essential
truths about age difference relationships.
Wakefield, Dan, Scoring, Doubleday, 1972.
[out of print]
Young Jewish boy on the make learns about life and love, yet still
manages to laugh at himself.
Wilson, Richard, Mother to the World (award-winning SF novelette, 1968).
Sweet, low-key "end of the world" relationship between a caring man and
a mildly retarded, but loving woman.
Wouk, Herman, Marjorie Morningstar, Little Brown & Co. (1992 reissue),
ISBN 0-316-95513-2.
"Customs of courtship vary greatly in different times and places,
but the way the thing happens to be done here and now always seems
the only natural way to do it."
Wylie, Philip, The Disappearance, Pocket Books, 1958.
[out of print]
What would happen to men if all the women in the world suddenly
disappeared, and to women without the men?
*
Collected in E Pluribus Unicorn, which, like the rest of Sturgeon's
works, has been out of print for decades. North Atlantic Books is in the
process of reprinting his stories in a proposed 10 volume set.
Film
Annie Hall (Woody Allen)
Damage (Louis Malle)
Jules and Jim (Truffaut)
Le Filou (The Pickpocket) [Robert Bresson]
Marty (from the play by Paddy Chayefsky)
American Gigolo (Paul Schrader, starring Richard Gere)
Ostensibly about the sleazy world of a male "escort", nevertheless gives some
insight into what women expect in a dream lover.
Nice Jewish boy meets crazy, mixed-up shiksa.
Unbridled lust wreaks havoc.
Your basic love triangle. Both funny and sad, in a touching sort of way.
You have to find yourself before you can find anyone else.
The classic about love between shy people. A "must see."
Play Misty (Clint Eastwood)
Room at the Top (Simone Signoret, Lawrence Harvey)
Shadowlands (Anthony Hopkins, Debra Winger)
A Taste of Honey (Rita Tushingham)
The Touch [Berörungen] (Ingmar Bergman)
"Here's the deal. Five women . . . and you.
Written by a TV weatherman, this computer game allegedly tests
conversational skills in dating/mating situations. As a period piece
of pop culture schlock, it regurgitates all the prevalent stereotypes
and clichés.
"Pasta is quite sensual."
If you can find it at a yard sale, it's probably worth a dollar or two,
if only for laughs.
Franz Biber's Sonata à Sept
Charpentier's Te Deum
Rameau's Gavotte and Variations
Padre Antonio Soler's Fandango Suite
The Wedge, from J.S. Bach's Toccata in F
Schlummert Ein (Slumber Soft), from the Notebook of Anna
Magdalena Bach,
Vivaldi's Gloria (RU 589 in D major)
Vivaldi's Nullo in Mundo Pax Sincera
Au Fond du Temple Saint
Duet, as sung by Jussi Björling and Robert Merrill
Karl Orff's Carmina Burana
Don Giovanni, by Mozart
Les Histoires d'Hoffmann (Tales of Hoffmann), by Jacques Offenbach
Liebestod (Love Death) from Tristan und Isolde, by Wagner
Madame Butterfly, by Puccini
Peleas et Melisande, by Debussy
Baby, It's You, by the Shirelles (1961)
Then He Kissed Me, The Crystals (1962?)
All Over The World, Françoise Hardy (1965)
Older Women Are Beautiful Lovers, sung by Ronnie McDowell, written by
Jamie O'Hara (1981)
Come Softly To Me, The Fleetwoods (1959)
Underneath the Mango Tree (1962)
At Seventeen, Janis Ian (1974)
Joan Baez, singing Diamonds and Rust
Judy Collins' masterful renditions of Leonard Cohen's Suzanne
Leonard Cohen's own Marianne
The First Time Ever I Saw Your Face, Roberta Flack (1972)
Marlene Dietrich, singing Lili Marlene
Charles Aznavour's She
Play It Again, Sam (Woody Allen)
How not to be Humphrey Bogart.
A woman violently obsessed with the object of her desires. This predecessor to
Fatal Attraction easily ranks as Eastwood's finest effort.
Upwardly striving guy abandons his true love for a rich girl. From the
book by John Braine.
Shy writer C.S. Lewis and his tragic love for the brash Joy Gresham.
Tender yearning, not quite love.
Obsessive passion destroys a woman's life.
Software
Man Enough, by Tsunami / Time Warner
[no longer available for retail sale]
They want it all: conversation, adventure and style."
"On her own terms..."
"Waited sooo long..."
Art
Art is not a mirror held up to reality
But a hammer with which to shape it.
Bertolt Brecht
The Kiss, by Auguste Rodin
Inspiring generations of lovers, this sculpture-in-bronze expresses the
power and the beauty of joining one's heart and soul to another. On
display at the Museé Rodin in Paris, and on-line at Carol Gerten's
page.
Music
Music heard so deeply
That it is not heard at all,
But you are the music
While the music lasts
T.S. Eliot, "The Dry Salvages"
Pachelbel's Canon
Overused, but still everybody's favorite.
Hypnotically simple, yet charming.
Liturgical, but utterly moving and magnificently sensual all the same.
One of the two most sensuous harpsichord pieces ever written.
The other one of the two most sensuous harpsichord pieces ever written.
As played by Virgil Fox at the organ, it will set both you and your
girlfriend on fire, guaranteed.
by J.S. Bach, as sung by Elly Ameling, of course.
Finest known example of the art of the lullaby, and wonderful for
singing your loved one to sleep.
Liturgical music, but uplifting, energizing, even sensual.
Achingly beautiful aria.
Goes down like honey.
The ultimate in erotic music.
For opera buffs
Sublime music and even an interesting plot, but after a while you find
yourself rooting for Leporello.
Cutesy but topical libretto about a shy scholar pursuing love.
To die for, literally.
And for something a bit more modern
The classiest of the '60's "girl groups."
Another '60's "girl group" . . . ah nostalgia.
Back then, she was the teenage boy's heartthrob (long blonde hair,
thigh-high vinyl boots, and, oh, that voice).
Unusual Country/Western, with very subversive lyrics.
S-l-o-w cheek-to-cheek dancing music, and daydream-inspiring to listen to.
Lyrics by Monty Norman, sung by Ursula Andress in the movie Dr. No.
Cute, oh-so cute calypso ditty.
Girls suffer heartbreak and loneliness, too.
and, of course, Buffy St. Marie's "Clouds"
They don't sing them like this any more.
That husky voice evoking such world weariness . . .
"Elle, peut etre la beauté ou la bete . . . "
Haunting music and lyrics, composed and sung by one of the best
male singers of the age.
Information is not knowledge
Knowledge is not wisdom
Wisdom is not truth
Truth is not beauty
Beauty is not love
Love is not music
Music is the best.